i could not do without you

everyone's poetry is for themselves
they speak to those who are not there
they talk to people who don't exist

revelations commit disorderly
speak in damned wreckage
loving only that which left the life of others
and coalesced in levels of self-perplexion
seminal deviance is our required fate
panting with solemn half-breaths
of that which we cannot say
and would be ashamed of anyway

if only I knew you would love me
I would ask you to marry me
but I hover now
in a 40-year torment
and I don't even know
if there is any point anymore
to this dedication
I don't even know
if you and I
were ever meant to share everything we gave each other
everything we gambled with all that we'd won on the way
against all that was lost
to get there

mouths talk endlessly of journeys
and the talk is that of sacrifice and despair
but beneath the chatter
beneath the savage care
is a love I cannot deny anymore

I swear
I could not do without you.