Jealousy is no stranger to any of us, but we Turks have it down to an art form that would make Iago blush, Othello whimper, and Desdemona throw a temper tantrum that even Hera would be… um… jealous of.
Ever wonder why when you go out at night to some place like Anjelique in Ortaköy or NuTeras in Pera, everybody’s hanging around in snug little cliques that are so impenetrable you’d need a team like Nestor and Odysseus with an army of Achaeans and a lot of logwood to figure a way in? Ever wonder why when you approach a girl at some bar like Dulcinea in Beyoğlu or Crystal in Kuruçeşme, a bunch of wimpy guys start acting like they’re the Sopranos or something and begin cock-blocking you with greasy stares? Ever wonder why every time anybody talks to anybody else anywhere, their significant other goes all ape-shit as if they had just walked in on their lover re-enacting a scene from Tinto Brass’s Caligula? It’s because everybody’s jealous of everybody else, because everybody actually hates themselves.
It all begins with overly-protective mothers who raise their boys to think they’re King Shit, and overly-obliging fathers who raise their daughters to think they’re destined to be the Princess Bride. And so the whole foundation is laid upon a slimy slope of misplaced self-esteem. Why is that a problem? Because when a person has too much self-esteem they think they have no room for improvement and so instead of developing their minds and their character, they focus on acquiring stupid superficial things like status, looks and careers, so that what emerges is a hollow shell of a human being who begins to unconsciously realize from their teens onwards that they cannot be happy unless they are as esteemed in the public eye as they were by their parents when they were growing up. This is why they hate themselves: Because they are dependent on the opinion of others and find nothing inside to fall back on to cushion the blow when they do not attain the recognition they have been spoiled into expecting from around them. Why would a girl ever be interested in any other guy when she’s in his presence, being the stud-muffin his mother has made him believe he is? It’s unacceptable! And why would a guy drool over any other girl other than her when she’s right there, like the prissy princess she is, and maybe even with a new nose and a great tan that daddy’s paid good money for? Sacrilege! Anger! Fury! Temper tantrum! Throwing teddy bears across the bedroom!
This isn’t to say that we’re not all ego-maniacs, regardless of what culture we’re from. We are. We all think we’re The Shit, no matter how ugly, no matter how stupid, no matter how conceited we are. Self-Love makes the world go round. But let’s face it, there’s always someone better than us, or at least with as much to offer as us but in a different way, and the less spoilt you are, the easier it is to realize that fact and deal with it in a dignified manner when a person you like likes someone else. The word is DIG-NI-TY. But what do we get instead? We get cry-baby pretty boys and nasally chicks who think they’re royalty flying off the handle every time their partner even talks to someone else. “Who was that? Who did you call? Who called you? Where are you now?” Seriously, walk around the streets, get on a bus, sit in a café, and you can eavesdrop on dozens of astounding “conversations” between bored couples constantly accusing each other of ridiculous infidelities. Everyone’s having a terrible time over nothing, and all because of too much unfounded and unwarranted self-esteem, which leads to too much pride at the cost of not enough dignity. That’s DIGNITY. I'll spell it out for you: D-I-G-N-I-T-Y-O-K-D-O-U-C-H-E-B-A-G-?.
It’s time to tip the scales back from Pride a little and more in favor of Dignity. It’s time to realize that we are not as special as we think we are, that we are hardly The Bomb, that there are millions of people who are just like us – in fact, they’re probably much better than us – that we are not as handsome or beautiful or as cool as we think we are, that that nagging suspicion that your ears stand out a little too much is true as daylight, that – yes – your nose is a little too big, and that looks, clothes, money and career – while important – are not more important than having a good mind and a solid DIGNIFIED character. People with immature and undeveloped minds hate themselves, even if it’s not done consciously, and end up diverting that hatred and frustration with themselves out on others, scared as they are that every person their partner talks to or becomes friendly with might just be better than them – because they know that fear is well-founded, and they’re afraid their partner will find out just how well-founded it is. This is the cause of our lack of self-confidence, and of our directing our insecurities as far away from ourselves as possible so as not to have to face them. Well it’s time to face them.
Let’s face it, when you stoop to the point where you start forbidding your partner from doing things (and we Turks actually seriously do that – “You can’t go out without me!” is a classic), that means you’ve already LOST. You may as well just stand up naked on a podium in the middle of Taksim and shout “I am not good enough, I hate myself, I’m a big baby”. So let’s all get a grip, chill out, put things in perspective, and just enjoy each other’s company, shall we? Here’s the first step, repeat after me: MY MOTHER WAS WRONG, I AM NOT SPECIAL.
