1. "No Charlotte, your goldfish did not go to heaven because heaven is a lie that man has conjured to alleviate his fear of reality, remember?"
2. "You know what this is Dorothy? This is the Eternal Recurrence of bad macaroni necklaces. Seriously, that’s the third one you’ve botched. You can now go sit in the weak half of the classroom until you prove you deserve to return to the strong half."
3. "I don’t care for raised hands if you have something to say, children. I want to see arm wrestling."
4. "That wasn’t tragedy kids, that was tragicomedy. Michael, your Dionysus character needs to scream louder and spin faster during the choruses. Here, drink some more wine. And Larry, your Apollo is way too passive, you sound like a democrat. Ok, maenads ready? Once more from the top: The Ressentiment of Prometheus, Act I. And this time everybody please try to say your lines without letting your eyes wander all over the place."
5. "Your coloring-in skills are way beyond good and evil Terry, but your choice of crayons is still human, all too human."
6. "Kids, what did we say about sharing? That’s right, sharing is for socialists. Now try to show a little more will-to-power and a little less will-to-pansiness… and don’t hesitate to hurt each other."
7. "Get your pencil back from Javeed yourself and stop being such a whiny little crybaby, ok Timmy?"
8. "What did we learn today, class? Yes, we learnt about cooperation, sure, but what else? Nobody? We learnt that for cooperation to work, those of you with inferior faculties have to delegate leadership responsibility to those among you with superior ones and do as they say, ok?"
9. "Alright kids, today each of us is going to write our own ten commandments. The first person to transvalue all values gets a Snickers bar!"
10. "…and so Mr. Wagner lived happily ever after, secure in the cowardly knowledge that he sold out to become a Roman Catholic, living out the rest of his days in the comfort of metaphysical lies writing operatic drivel like Parsifal. The End."
11. "Why am I such a good teacher? Why do I teach such good things? Why am I a pedagogical destiny? Why do I... STOP PICKING YOUR NOSES!"
12. "Show me your drawing. Ok so this here is you, correct? Aaand this is your dog, and this is your mother and father – they don’t have hands, but whatever – and that’s your house, and this is a Christmas tree wiiiith… a bird in it? Hm, looks more like a lizard… Now Allison, can you tell me what’s wrong with this picture? Nooo, not the orange clouds. I’ll give you a hint: it has a little something to do with the underlying Judeo-Christian Weltanschaaung of this decadent depiction of untermensch slave morality."
13. "Mr. Potato Head is dead."
