So there it is. I win. And I don’t just mean “I win again”. I mean, I win, period. If you’re with me, you win too. If you’re not, you lose. You lose big time. You’re just fucked basically, let’s put it that way. And now that I win, that means no more beating about the bush, no more toning down or hiding my true intentions or any of that nonsense anymore. There is no need for it now, because I have just become absolutely unaccountable. Therefore, here goes. This is it guys, here it is, I’m just going to tell you once and for all what’s what from now on: I am the King. There, I said it. Is there anything unclear about this? Does anybody have a problem with this? Good. Let me state clearly and openly for the record, now that there is no law or institution that I have to answer to or give account to or that has any power over me whatsoever: I do not like republics. I do not like democracy. I do not like secularism. I do not like pluralism. I do not like constitutions. I do not like any national or religious identity outside of mine. I do not believe anybody has any rights outside of what I grant them. I do not like to hear or read any criticism of what I do or any counterarguments to anything I say. Did everybody hear that? Do you want me to repeat it? Can I make it any clearer? Are all these cameras and microphones on? Is everyone recording? Read my lips: I. AM. THE. KING. And you know what else? I don’t just want to be the King of this country. I want to be King of everything. Everything. The Middle East, the Balkans, the Caucasus, yes North Africa, yes even the rest of Africa, and yes, fuck it, even Central Asia and Southeast Asia and North Asia and South Asia and West Asia, all the fucking Asias. Yes yes yes yes yes. ALL OF IT. Okay? If you want a secular republic with democratic institutions and a pluralist political system with constitutionally enshrined checks and balances safeguarded by an independent judiciary that guarantees the rule of law for any and all citizens, TOUGH SHIT. You know what you can have instead? ME. That’s what. Let me make this crystal fucking clear: YOU CAN HAVE ME AND ONLY ME. I am EVERYTHING now. I am the LAW, I am the CONSTITUTION, I am the STATE, I am the SOLE REIGNING SUPREME MEGA ENORMOUS SULTANIC MONARCHICAL MEGALOMANIACAL SOVEREIGN OF EVERYONE AND EVERYTHING. Okay? Fuck it, I might even call myself that, because I can. What has two thumbs and will be your leader forever? This guy. Oh noooo, does the EU not like it? Well they can suck my fat one. Oh noooo, the USA says hey you can’t WELL I DID. Oh nooo the UN says I’M SORRY, I CAN’T HEAR YOU CAN YOU SPEAK UP UN? NOPE STILL CAN’T HEAR YOU SORRY YOUR VOICE IS VERY WEAK. Oh nooo our media says OH HEY LOOK AT THAT THEY CAN’T SAY ANYTHING ANYMORE BECAUSE THEY’RE ALL IN JAIL FOR BEING TERRORISTS. Oh nooo our opposition parties say HAHAHA OPPOSITION? I JUST BOUGHT ONE OF THEM, LOOK, HE’S IN MY POCKET RIGHT NOW, SAY HI DEVLET! The other party is all in jail for being TERRORISTS and the last remaining one has become so marginalized they’ve basically become margarine. Bad joke? I don’t care, you have to laugh at it now, because I say so. That’s how powerful I am. So it’s time to suck it up everyone. This is it. Your future is finished. Your dreams of living in a tolerant, civilized, democratic, progressive country have been flushed right down the poop shoot. Seriously, forget it. I cannot stress this enough. You are now staring down the barrel of a full on RUTHLESS TOTALI-FUCKING-TARIAN THUGOCRATIC POLICE STATE THAT WILL NOT HESITATE TO CRUSH YOU AND ANY HOPES AND DREAMS YOU HAVE FOR A LIVABLE CIVILIZED FUTURE FOR YOU OR FOR YOUR CHILDREN OR FOR FUTURE GENERATIONS TO COME. If you can’t accept that, then seriously go kill yourselves. Seriously. I can’t even believe you people bothered to run a “NO” campaign in the referendum. What did you think was going to happen? First of all, you think a NO result would’ve even come out of those booths? I control those booths. I control the whole process. We’re under EMERGENCY FUCKING RULE you dipshits. And let’s just assume as a hypothetical brain exercise that there was any chance of a NO result. You think I was just going to sit back, raise my hands, accept defeat, and say “WELL THE PEOPLE HAVE SPOKEN, I GUESS I SHOULD JUST RESPECT THEIR DECISION”??!!! Uh, hello? Do you not know me by now? Has your head been buried in sand for the past 15 years? Why would you even waste your time? Guess what I did, I built a 1000-room palace (<-not a="" about="" actual="" alcohol="" all="" also="" am.="" an="" anarchy="" and="" anything="" apparatus="" appear="" applied="" are="" army.="" as="" at="" away="" banished="" banned="" bars="" batshit="" be="" because="" become="" being="" blown="" br="" bread="" brutal="" buckle="" bureaucratic="" but="" by="" camps.="" camps="" can="" child="" coal="" complete="" compulsory="" concentration="" constitution="" continue="" corrupt="" country="" cowed="" created="" daily="" delusional="" deteriorating="" dissuaded="" do="" down="" education="" empire="" everyone="" everything="" existence="" fearful="" feeble="" female="" first="" flappety="" flippety="" floop="" focus="" for="" free="" from="" full="" fully="" functionally="" going="" gone="" good="" heard="" hell="" highly="" hope.="" how="" i.="" i="" in="" increasingly="" indoctrination="" instruct="" into="" is="" it.="" it="" just="" king="" know="" leader.="" led="" let="" like="" little="" lording="" m="" machinery="" male="" managed="" many="" mass="" may="" mayhem="" me="" men="" mice.="" militaristic="" mine.="" minors="" moral="" more="" morning="" move="" my="" nay-sayers="" new="" newly="" news="" nightclubs="" no="" nothing="" now.="" now="" of="" off="" oh="" okay="" old="" on.="" on="" one="" order="" ordered="" our="" over="" own="" personal="" pissy="" places="" plunging="" police="" polygamy="" poof.="" poorly="" presto="" proclaimed="" public="" ramshackle="" re="" rearing="" reinstated="" reiterate:="" religious="" repression="" rest="" ride.="" right:="" right="" rituals.="" rounded="" rule="" ruled="" s="" sacks="" said="" savior="" says="" schools="" scurry="" seat="" segregation="" shipped="" shortly.="" sight="" silenced="" so="" sole="" speak="" state-backed="" state="" stop="" subjects="" supreme="" system="" terrorists="" that="" the="" them="" then="" there="" they="" thing="" think="" this="" those="" thousand="" throughout="" thrown="" to="" tobacco="" too="" typo="" up="" us="" vote="" wait="" want.="" we="" wed="" went="" what="" where="" who="" why="" will="" win.="" women="" worship="" yeah="" yes="" you="" your="">
