Anecdonapper/anecdojacker - one who hijacks another person's anecdote as it's being told. E.g. "He totally anecdojacked my story. Every time I made a slight pause, he would jump in and finish what I was about to say."
Attitude-acting - the style of vulgar hyperbolic Hollywood acting in which the character delivers his or her lines in the form of indignant moralistic mini-monologues. E.g. "I'll be damned if I'll just let you sit by while innocent people's lives are put at risk!" Usually involves clenched teeth, squinted eyes, pointing finger and prolonged penetrating gaze.
Carefare - having to act like you care when someone tells you something that's important to them. E.g. "I had to pay extra carefare when she started talking about her dead grandmother."
Catch 33 - a three-way Catch 22. E.g. "I had a coffee in my left hand, a cookie in my right, and a plate which had just slid off my lap. I needed to put either the cup of coffee or the cookie down on the plate to free a hand to pick up the plate, but first I needed to pick up the plate to put either the cup of coffee or the cookie down to free my hand so as to be able to pick up the plate in the first place. Furthermore, the cookie was too crumbly to hold in my mouth, and the coffee was too hot to lay on the polished wooden table. It was a Catch 33." (I know, this rarely happens, which is why I thought there should be a word for it when it does)
Chainbrewing - preparing one cup/pot of coffee after another. E.g. "I could tell from his rapidfire gibberish that he was on a protracted caffeine overdose as a result of chainbrewing."
Chapstick - a guy who's really into - and good at - cunnilingus (as in 'moistens dry lips'). E.g. "She likes him because he's chapstick."
Cheapdeep - person or topic of conversation that is meant to be deep and meaningful, but comes off seeming shallow instead. E.g. "They started getting into all that cheapdeep shit about spiritualism and quantum physics, comically regurgitating half-understood concepts to each other in an attempt to seem intellectual."
Chirocephalist - one who likes to stroke and handle another person’s head (from Greek 'chiro-hand' and 'cephalos-head'). E.g. "I felt patronized by my friend's avuncular chirocephaly."
Converhog - a person who keeps hogging the conversation. E.g. "I couldn't get a single word in with all his converhogging".
Cryptosarcast - one who's only capable of being sarcastic in private, preferring to tow the line in public. E.g. "Her cryptosarcastic remarks went right out the window when the others arrived as she re-assumed her usual deferential and diplomatic demeanor."
E-go Maintenance - a compulsive urge to continually check on-line vanity sites like emails/Facebook/blog. E.g. "I spent the day e-going between Facebook and my emails. I also updated my profile for some last minute e-go maintenance." A form of 'vanity upkeep'.
Envy-wishing - a reactive yet momentarily sincere wish to do something cool after you've just met someone who has done something cool. E.g. "After he told her he'd just come from a diving expedition to the Great Barrier Reef, she envy-wished a trip to Australia."
Facefag/Facehag - a guy/girl who's really into Facebook. E.g. "S/He's a total facefag/hag with all his/her ridiculous applications." Also: Facefart - writing something lame in your Facebook profile. Facefeed - to update, renew and change one's Facebook profile. Facefind - to find a long lost friend on Facebook. Facewaste - to waste time procrastinating on Facebook. Ok enough about Facebook.
Fartsponge - a person's favorite/accustomed place to sit in the house. E.g. "That's his fartsponge where he reads his papers and watches TV while silently squeezing out gaseous postprandial odors into his seat cushion."
Fartcart - a vehicle that has the lingering smell of accumulated farts inside. E.g. "I made the mistake of taking a ride in his fartcart, and boy, I see now why he doesn't carpool."
Gay-ray - hitting on or being hit on by someone of the same sex. E.g. "He totally had the gay-ray on you. Did you notice that innuendo about cream and those prolonged stares?"
Google-wank - to Google yourself. E.g. "He was Google-wanking all through his lunch break, checking and comparing how many results came up for his name compared to his friends."
Hair drops- the residual bits of hair dispersed across your neck and shoulders after a haircut. E.g. "I should have taken a shower after leaving the barber's because the hair drops down my shirt made me itch terribly all through the bus ride."
Ichthyocephalotroph - one who likes to eat the heads of fish (from Greek 'ichthys-fish', 'cephalos-head', 'trophos-nutrition'). E.g. "The way she plucked the eyes, picked the cheeks and then ate the deep-fried head of the fish made her friend wince at her icthyocephalotrophic enthusiasm." Also, ichthyocephalophobe - person who's afraid of fish heads (seriously, I know one).
Inaneologism - the coining of inane and often useless new words and terms. I.e. Everything I have listed here... except 'vulnerbonding', that's a good one.
Laziwork - extra work that arises as a result of a lazy and inefficient carrying out of initial task which could've been avoided had it been taken on with due diligence from the beginning. E.g. "The fact that he did such a bad job at stirring the risotto now meant that he had to do the laziwork of adding more rice to soak up the extra water."
Malaurosimile - believing a word means something it doesn’t because it – or part of it – sounds like another word, i.e. thinking ‘supercilious’ means ‘very silly’, or that 'inveigle' means 'to hide' (as in 'in veil'), or that 'crapulous' means 'full of crap', or that 'tortuous' means 'torturing', or that 'ostracize' means 'to turn into an ostrich', etc. Synonym of 'malaproprism'. (From Latin 'mal-bad', 'auro-ear/aural' and 'simile-similar'). E.g. "His malaurosimilar use of the word 'curation' to convey his hope that a 'cure' is found for the patient's unique malady was met with the sarcastic smiles of those around him."
Metrophor - when the metaphor is the same as the original subject (metaphor=meta/beyond + pherein/carry=transfer beyond, metrophor=meta/beyond + retro/back + pherein/carry=transfer beyond and back). E.g. "When he said that 'spices are the spice of life' I countered his metrophor with my own and said 'meat and potatoes are the meat and potatoes of cooking'".
Me-spree - a person who will not stop talking about themselves. "He went on a total me-spree to impress the two girls he'd just met at the cocktail." (often engaged in by insecure attention seekers after two cups/lines of coffee/blow)
Misbonding - when a person mistakenly thinks they’re sincerely bonding with another, assuming that they share the same views and interests. E.g. "As Mark continued talking her ears off in an effort to connect with her at the party, Dorothy couldn't help but feel that this misbonding would never end unless she stopped nodding in agreement and just made it obvious that she didn't care for his company." (Misbonding also often involves blow)
Nap-dance - when a girl starts dancing sexy all over you in a miscalculated attempt at seduction. E.g. "I was just tired and beat and wanted to go home, but then I had to endure her excrutiating nap-dance and act like I was enjoying it."
No-job - a guy or girl who isn't into oral sex. E.g. "S/he gives a great no-job every time, guaranteed." (sarcastic)
Paleopropism - an old and anachronistic word that's ill-suited to what is attempted at being expressed (from Greek 'paleo-old' and French 'proposer-propose'). E.g. "His referring to the popular kids as 'cats' and to the science students as 'poindexters' came across as a hilarious paleoproprism in their eyes."
Pocket-change - person who keeps saying they've changed, but is full of shit. E.g. "She totally pulled out the pocket-change with her 'I've kicked the habit and I just want to be healthy from now on' schtick." Usually seen in substance abusers who are keen to make a clean start but need that little pick-me-up to motivate them to achieve that clean start and who, after having made a putative clean start, enjoy celebrating their clean start with another little celebratory pick-me-up, which totally ruins their clean start. In other words, people who never actually make a clean start and so feel the need to always have to.
Poorgasm - bad/weak orgasm. E.g. "For him, sex had become a mundane and mechanical act that led to little but poorgasms at best, and just plain boredom at worst."
Pourgasm - great orgasm (unfortunate homophone of 'poorgasm', usually needs to be spelled out loud so as to avoid offending partner - in a way that 'phat' usually needs to be spelled out if used around same partner). E.g. "Their mutual excitement at having seen each other after so many years led to effusive pourgasms that left them panting for minutes afterwards."
Postcrastination - additional procrastination after one has supposedly stopped procrastinating and sat down to start working. E.g. "Even after spending the entire morning fixing his bike when he had a paper due, he ended up postcrastinating on his email."
Pratriot - a patriotic prat. E.g. "I was sick of all his jingoistic flag-waving pratriotism."
Precrastination - diligently carrying out little day-to-day tasks/things/chores so that one has more time left over to procrastinate. E.g. "I made sure to precrastinate my way around doing the dishes by having a go at them while I waited for the coffee to brew and my eggs to cook, and so I gained a good extra 15 minutes that I saved for surfing youtube."
Primoveloinebriate - first and fastest person to get drunk (from Latin 'primo-first', 'velo-speed/velocity' and 'inebriare-drunkenness'). E.g. "His competitive downing of one shot after another betrayed his primoveloinebriate ambition." (Postprimoveloinebriate - second fastest person to get drunk). Granted, it's not easy to determine who gets drunk fastest and first, but certain subtle signs like, say, moonwalking to the Beastie Boys with a soggy cigarette in your mouth and an empty punchbowl on your head while you're flashing the heavy metal hand sign is usually a pretty fair indication.
Probablem - a probable problem. E.g. "That his hand was stuck in the cookie jar just as his mother was entering the kitchen was a probablem, because he didn't know if he was allowed to eat them or not."
Redundatroph - one who eats too much junk food (from 'redundant' and Greek 'trophos-nutrition'). E.g. "His ingurgitation of three Big Macs in a row caused onlookers to marvel at his redundatrophic gluttony."
Scrababble - talking way too much about Scrabble (you know who you are). E.g. "All his anecdotes about the double triple word scores he's landed made him a terrible Scrababbler."
So-ing - the tendency to make self-flattering hints, often by letting the sentence trail off with an open-ended 'so...'. E.g. "I just came from backpacking around Sri Lanka to find that I had sold my first painting, and at a really good price too, so..."
Stereotyponym - names that sound like stereotypes (from Greek roots 'stereotype' and 'onomatos-name'). E.g. An African city called 'Ougadougou' (capital city of Burkina Faso), or a Chinese city called 'Chongqing' (city in China).
Storybore - one who tells boring stories (duh). E.g. "You could tell from the way everyone rolled their eyes when he started talking that he was a total storybore."
Suckle-chuckle - to suck up to someone by insincerely laughing at their unfunny jokes. E.g. "His attempt at laughter was little more than an obsequious suckle-chuckle that was intended to keep him on his boss's good side following his recent promotion."
Suisimile - when the simile is the same as the original subject (sui=self, simile=similar, thus literally 'self-similar'). E.g. "To say that 'rocket science is like rocket science' is neither an understated nor an overstated suisimile."
Tardisism - to regularly isolate oneself in a small cozy space (usually with books, art and comfort items) as a personal haven from the world outside, always looking forward to returning to said space whenever not there (From the 'Tardis' in BBC sci-fi series Doctor Who). E.g. "His tardisism was getting out of hand, considering he spent all his time in his room just living imaginary armchair adventures through his books and rarely answering any phone calls from his friends."
To 360 - people (usually 'pocket-changers') who declare that they've completely changed but who end up the same as before. E.g. "He said he'd given up smoking and drinking only a month ago, but I saw him at the bar yesterday and he was doing a total 360, downing tequila shots and whooping after every chug."
Travel face - the dreamy and introspective face of composed self-immersement that solo travelers get when on a long-distance journey. E.g. "The airport was filled with university students going home for the holidays, iPods and books in tow, and travel faces that betrayed their dreamy state of place transition."
Ultimolentoinebriate - last and slowest person to get drunk (from Latin 'ultimo-last', 'lento-slow' and 'inebriare-to be drunk'). E.g. "She had a tough time adjusting to the drunken conversation, considering she was the ultimolentoinebriate of the party." (Penultimolentoinebriate - second last person to get drunk; Antepenultimolentoinebriate - third last person to get drunk; Preantepenultimolentoinebriate - fourth last person to get drunk.)
Vanity upkeep - a compulsion for spending an inordinate amount of money and time on oneself. E.g. "She spent the whole day on her vanity upkeep, washing her hair, checking her emails and painting her nails."
Vulnerbonding - bonding/friendship that results from vulnerability, usually as a result of being in a new and unfamiliar environment. E.g. "Distraught over her grandmother's death, and feeling alone in her new surroundings, Elizabeth vulnerbonded immediately with fellow expat, Geoffrey, who was from her own home town, and would no doubt empathize with her predicament."
